Relay For Life

In light of what my mom went through, I've decided to take on the role of Team Captain for my Relay For Life team at work. The Marina Professional Fire Fighter's Association will be participating in the Marina Relay For Life on July 16, 2011. I would love for you to sponsor me in this event. I'm trying to raise $1000 myself for this cause and I have a long way to go. I would appreciate any amount you can manage. In setting the example, I've made a donation of $100 myself to get the fundraising going.

Thank you ahead of time for your support now and over the past several years. Let's help others fight what took mom away.

If you would like to support me (and why wouldn't you?) you can make a donation online here or you can send a check or money order made out to the American Cancer Society to:

Mark Sweeney

820 Park Row, #509
Salinas, CA 93901

Thank you so much for your support!

Funeral Service

Mom touched so many lives. It was evidenced by the number of people who attended her service and braved the muddy graveside service in the rain. Although there were well over 300 people in attendance, I know there were many who, because of work or other commitments, were unable to make it. Luckily, the Church was gracious enough to record the audio portion of the service. There are a few songs mixed in with Lexi, Matt, and me paying tribute to our mom.

For those of you who were unable to attend, or just want to hear it again....

You may be prompted to download a program such as QuickTime to listen to this. Go for it, don't be scared it's just a little player from Apple and should work on your PC too.

Also if for some reason it doesn't load right the first time, just try refreshing your browser. I am on a Mac so if you're on a PC and/or you are having trouble accessing the audio, please let me know by email at mark_sweeney@me.com

Below is the slideshow that I shared at the service. It's cut out of the above audio so you don't hear the music twice. In the service it was right after I finished speaking. All of the music was written and performed by my sister Lexi.

For those of you not familiar with YouTube inner workings...if you click on the resolution numbers in the bottom bar, you will have other options, also if you click on the outward facing arrows on the bottom right corner, you will get a full screen show.

Thank you to everyone who surrounded our family with love and support over the past couple weeks. It's been a rough ride, and it's only just now starting to sink in.

~Mark

Services

First of all, thank you to everyone for the phone calls, email, Facebook messages, cookies, cold cuts, text messages and other outpourings of love from all.

My brother and sister are doing well and have been surrounded by their friends. Lexi is out now shopping for a dress for the funeral, which makes me sad to think about, but I am so amazed at how well she is holding up and how strong she has been.

These are the confirmed plans:

Thursday will be a viewing/visitation at Struve & Laporte, 41 W. San Luis St., Salinas, 93908 at 7:00pm-9:00pm

Friday at 11am will be a gravesite service/burial at the cemetery in Gonzales. Here is a map. All are welcome

This is where Jake's mother is buried. Mom was extremely fond of Helen and would be proud to be by her side. Mom has no other family from the area so she will be the first to be buried on the West coast.

Friday at 1pm will be a very casual church service and reception at Shoreline Church, at 2500 Garden Rd. Monterey, 93940

We look forward to hearing and sharing stories of mom and how she's touched so many lives.

We are asking that in lieu of flowers donations be made in mom's name to the cancer related fund of your choosing or Hospice of Monterey.

This info is now confirmed

Only the good die young

She was a good one. 62 years isn't enough but they were good years.

Mom finished her 2 1/2 year fight against pancreatic cancer early this morning.

Right in line with her wishes she died peacefully and pain free in the Westland House in Monterey, in the loving care of Hospice. She spent less than 24 hours there and I believe she was ready to go. She had come to a place of acceptance and she was comfortable. She was not afraid of death any more. I assured her yesterday when she was leaving the house for the final time that we would all be okay, and that if she was ready to stop fighting, and move on, that it was okay. She said, "Thank you, I appreciate that." She was ready and she knew it. Deep down I knew it was time too.

Lindsi and I visited her one last time last night around 10:30. She opened her eyes and said hi. I asked if she knew who I was and she said, "ya, Mark". I asked if she was in any pain and she said she was not and that she was comfortable.

Thank you to everyone who has been here for us over the last two years.

Because mom has so many loving friends and family we can't possible be in contact with everyone. For that reason, I will be posting details and a schedule of services, etc. when we know more details. I don't expect a service to take place until at least Wednesday or Thursday.

Check back here for details.

Mom's been struggling to keep on top of the pain for the last week or so. She's woken up a couple times in the middle of the night in pain. Hospice has her on an oral Morphine and a variety of other drugs to keep her comfortable. She's looking very frail as well. I think her weight has probably dropped a little, although there isn't really any left to lose.

Today a social worker is coming by from Hospice to assess her needs. We're wondering if it's almost time to check her into the Hospice house (which I can't remember the name of right now).

With all that said, the other day when I stopped by, she was spot cleaning the carpets. She said, "nobody wants to go out with a dirty house."

Tonight we have an early celebration for my brother's 23rd birthday. I hope mom has the energy to join us. I'm sure she'll be there either way. She's never let a lack of energy stop her from showing up to the party.

Everything has been pretty much status quo for most of the last week. Hospice came yesterday to take baseline vitals and other basic info on mom. I think today they come to go over meds. Mom's been feeling quite well the last 4-5 days and only yesterday really hit the wall. She doesn't tend to take it easy when she's feeling well so after a few days of feeling well she crashes. I stopped by yesterday to find a completely zombie exhausted mom in the kitchen making homemade baked macaroni. I'm telling you the woman does not have a pause button. There is no stopping her.

Thank you for all the emails and offers for food, etc. They are appreciated. I haven't had time to reply to all of them yet but I will get to you. I am keeping a list of volunteers for things such as meals so when the time comes when they would be most useful I'll let you know.

Mom still is not up for visits and phone calls. She really is tired of the questions and talking about nothing but how she's feeling and what's going on. Although there's not much else to talk about, if you're one of the lucky few who manage a visit over the coming months, do her a favor and talk about something else.

Thanks again for all the love and support from everyone.

Birthday

Mom had her birthday on the 8th, same day Hospice came out for the first time. Pretty shitty birthday present if you ask me. She woke up feeling pretty well on Saturday and decided she wanted to go out to dinner with all of us. I've always told her about just how good the calamari, sand dabs, and Prime Rib are at the Golden Tee at Monterey Airport. So, off we went to Monterey Airport for what I realized will probably be her final birthday celebration. 62 years young, three kids, a nice home, it's been a great 62 years for her. She had fun at dinner, didn't eat much (Matt and Lexi brought her her favorite Myo frozen yogurt earlier as a present) but she did enjoy herself and I think the calamari lived up to her expectations. When you're facing what she's facing I guess it doesn't really matter what you do or where you do it, it just matters you are surrounded by those who love you the most.

Happy Birthday mom.

The Final Stage

In the back of my mind, when she was having trouble taking a deep breath, I feared the worst. An X-ray and a CT scan confirmed my worries. "The cancer has spread to the lungs" hit like a ton of bricks when it came out of Dr. Stampleman's mouth.

Just a couple days ago at Stanford, Dr. Koong was talking about how remarkable mom has been and how he dare not cite statistics since she hadn't followed any of them anyway. Mom was put at the top of a list for a clinical trial through Stanford which sounded promising, if only a bit. It wouldn't start for another six months, and she'd have to maintain her weight and activity level, but it gave her hope and put a smile on her face. This was before metastasis. It's the one thing we all knew would come eventually, and frankly should have come two years ago.

Just yesterday we met with a representative from Hospice at the house. Mom wanted to just hear what they had to offer for when the time came. I have a feeling deep down she knew the time was now. Today the doctor's office will make the call to Hospice and mom will start her at home care. No more chemotherapy, just a big dose of acceptance. I think it's the first time I've shed a tear in a doctors office through this whole ordeal. The writing has been on the wall for months. She's had some really bad days, but then all of a sudden she's having a couple great days and you go back to thinking foolishly that she may just make it.

I don't know how long someone with metastasized pancreatic cancer can last without chemotherapy. I would venture to guess not long. It blows my mind how well she's done and how long she's persevered. Our mission now is to make her as comfortable as possible. Any time I have even an ounce of hesitation to do something for her or lose my patience in dealing with her issues, I think back to what she has done for me over the past 36 years and for Matt for the past 22, and Lexi for the past 17 years, and I realize there is no burden I could bear for her big enough to ever come close to what she has done for us.

Tomorrow the next chapter begins. Hospice. For what it's worth, mom seems very at peace with it all. She has been a part of the decision making and she's had final say in them all. She is tired and I think she is ready to be done fighting. We are all happy to know she is in no pain at all and we're told she will be pain free for the duration. The rest of us are another story. The real pain, I fear, is only just beginning. I realize we, her family, are not the only ones affected by this. I know there are many of you who would like to come say hi and give her hugs and prayers. I don't know how she is going to feel over the coming days and weeks. I would ask that if you would like to visit, please email me at mark_sweeney@me.com and I'll see what I can do. No promises though.

Long overdue, is a giant thank you and words of appreciation to my sister Lexi who has been absolutely remarkable especially over the last year. Her patience and attention to mom has been key to her care and comfort. It's a job no 17 year old should have to do but she stepped up to the plate and handled it as best she could. She has more character and integrity than most people I know. It's hard to put into words my appreciation for what she has done especially in the times the rest of us couldn't be there. I've watched her grow up faster than any young woman should need to and become an amazing person. It's been a true trial by fire for her. Lexi, you are amazing, strong just like mom, and I love you.