Yes it's really me

I guess it's about time I contribute to the blog, although I don't want to take anything away from Mark. He is doing such an outstanding job. It's no secret that anyone who knows Mark from his teen years will agree, that he has more than made up for my sleepless nights. I couldn't ask for a more supportive and caring child. I say child, although he is almost 34. Anyone know a cute single girl who would like to meet a cute never married, obviously sensitive, firefighter who takes great photographs and is very handy around the house? Forever the mother.

I'm healing well from the surgery, although it has now been 5 weeks and I feel as though I should have progressed further in the healing process. I still have some pinching and redness. I'm on my second round of antibotics. I probably went off the meds too early, but whenever I have breakthrough pain, I take some Tylonol an seem to be back on track. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm not much of a "rester". I had no idea having Cancer could keep you so busy.

I hate the night. I don't sleep well and I think I must have ADD, because everytime I try to meditate, within 2 minutes I'm thinking of what I must accomplish tomorrow. My evening prayer is to make this day pass quickly, make tomorrow sunny.

I know I am on the ride of my life. It's like a new roller coaster and right in the front seat. As I started my ascent the butterblies are in the pit of stomach and my adrenlin starts coursing through my body. When I reach the top I have no idea what is in store for me. If Chemo is the crest, then I'm not in bad shape, but I know it's a long ride.

I fortunately have eased up on the 24/7 thinking of cancer. Although now I think about when I reach the other side how there will always be this black vapor lurking behind me. Normally life travels so fast we wonder where the week went. When you have cancer every day is 48 hrs long.

Chemo has treated me well so far. I do have a burning at the site, so I can only think it must be breaking down the tumor. Power of positive thinking! Those of you who know better, don't tell me I'm living in Fantasy Land. No hair loss and no major side effects.

I had a wonderful visit with my neice Nancy and her 2 almost teen children. Nobody pushed me to "perform". The best day was the ride down to Big Sur. We had a picnic at the River Inn, coffee at Nepenthe's and a little walk at Pheifer State Beach. That was the most glorious day I can remember having in a long time.

While reading an atricle Alice Knapp sent me, a quote stuck out, as it is my philosophy. (I wish I had thought of it first) "I can be happy with cancer or sad with cancer. Either way, I have cancer. So why not enjoy life."

My focus is giving and doing anything that gives me joy and it's not traveling or the plethora of things people in my situation think they must do. It's being around my beloved family and great friends that give me the greatest joy.

Thank you all for all the wonderful cards, well wishes, phone calls, flowers, prayers and books.

For now, love to you all
Lorraine