Back to the Grind

I've missed work. I don't know if I realized it until I got back. It was nice to be back on shift. It was a pretty slow day at the fire station. We had a couple calls and it was nice to get back in the game. It hasn't been that long but it sure starts to feel like it. The people around the station, the radio traffic, the siren, the banter around the breakfast table, volunteer training, it was all a nice break in the world which has been the last couple weeks. I thought maybe I'd get my mind off cancer for a while but that just wasn't the case. It's still all consuming. That's OK though I think that's just about right. Selai, our fire administrative assistant made a card which everyone (fire as well as police, and all the support staff) signed. It was two full pages. That just about made me lose it. In it there are two pictures of mom pinning on my badge the day I was sworn in. There is no doubt that it's going to get mom crying in the morning when she sees it. I thought that was such a nice thing. The support around here has been awesome. I had a short talk with my Chief today about all that has been going on. That had me welling up a bit. It's weird sometimes I can talk about it on and on and not be phased and other times the reality of the situation hits me and I just can't do it. It was a good day back to work and nice to get to some sense of normalcy even if my mind is a bit elsewhere.

Tomorrow is the big day. The fam is meeting me at the station around 7 am and we'll head up to Stanford together. It will be interesting to see how the car ride is considering all the emotions that will be sitting in there. I'm really glad that Lexi is going with us. I know it is important to her to be involved and I think that is very telling of her character. I know she is having a hard time just like the rest of us but she is remaining strong nonetheless. This will certainly build character if nothing else. Of course the minute we know what Stanford has to say I will update here. I know there are many out there who will be eager to hear.

We sent off for a search of clinical trials through the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network. I received the results back and there were five or six in California. I haven't had a chance to look at them yet but I will tonight and see what they are all about. Also we want to be able to discuss them with the doctors at Stanford if we see any which may be appropriate. Updates to follow on those as well.

Mom is doing fairly well. She said she had a good nights sleep last night and went for a good walk today. She was a bid on the depressed side last night and we talked about it. She said that she hadn't been able to sleep and did a bit too much reading on the net. Of course the info she found was understandably a bit depressing. I talked to her about how normal this is and that it will rear it's ugly head many more times as she goes through this process. There will be highs and there will be lows. They are all normal and they are all a part of the process. They will come and go, and not just for her but for all of us.